When the conveniences of the city surround you, it's hard to imagine giving them up. But when they're thousands of miles away, you have a chance to reexamine your assumptions. You begin to wonder if you really need so much. By giving all that up, we could start building a life from scratch, assembling the pieces that really mattered. - Erin McKittrick, A Long Trek Home
Have you ever seriously considered what is holding you back from your dreams and living life according to your values? Is it family? A spouse? Children? A career? A house? Debt? School? Fear? Money? Time?
We have been exploring this quite a bit lately and can identify with many of those circumstances. As we have started to look deeper however, we are realizing that it may not be our circumstances, but our expectations and assumptions that hold us back. Assumptions that are burned into our minds about how life is supposed to look from a North American perspective, and the overhead that is created when we buy-in to that mindset.
Since coming to this realization, we are taking a critical look at our assumptions. Making a move like we are planning will involve a lot of decisions. We want to ensure that the new decisions we make are based on expectations that line-up with our values. Since the foundation of this move is to seek freedom, we are looking at many aspects of our life from that perspective. We don't want to jump from the frying pan to the fire, having our freedom equally burdened (or worse) after moving - it is our goal to improve upon our situation.
One of the big questions that we are asking is: What do we really need to live our lives at any given moment? How do all the decisions of our lifestyle (not just where we live) affect our freedom? The more we unravel that question, the more eye-opening it becomes.
Let's use housing as an example. Housing has the potential to be the single biggest inhibitor of freedom for North Americans.
First there is the mortgage: How much of our income goes into making a mortgage payment? What is the minimum salary that we need to make that mortgage payment? What kind of job do I (or we) need in order to earn that salary? Where do I need to live in order to have that kind of job? How many hours does that occupation demand from me? How far do I have to commute? If I have to commute, how many cars do we need to own?
Then there is the size of the house: How big a house do we need? How much time and money will the maintenance require? How much does it cost to heat? How much stuff will it hold (because we know that if we have the space, we will inevitably fill it up). How much time, energy, and money will it take to maintain that stuff?
The house example is a very big one and clearly illustrates the correlation between material possessions and freedom. This correlation exists for every material good we acquire, the only difference is the scale. Even seemingly simple decisions like buying socks, when added to everything else can have a significant impact.
Living in a rich nation, it is very easy for almost anyone to become burdened by their possessions and not think anything of it - in fact we expect it, it is assumed to be a normal part of the North American way of life.
So, where does this leave us? With a bunch of questions and a bunch of ideas. We certainly don't have any answers!
I like ideas. I think it's a lot of fun to explore and dream about the possibilities even though it sometimes drives Renee crazy (bless her heart for putting up with me!). The big things that are coming into conversation these days are topics like employment/livelihood, housing, retirement, debt, our childrens' education, and personal possessions (to name a few). Yeah, pretty much everything!
intentional: 1) Done with intention or on purpose; intended. - Dictionary.com
integrated: 1) Combining or coordinating separate elements so as to provide a harmonious, interrelated whole. 2) Organized or structured so that constituent units function cooperatively. - Dictionary.com
We want to live an intentional and integrated life. That is to say, we want to live our life with purpose and have all the facets of our life work in harmony towards that purpose. As we journey that way we intend this space to be our whiteboard for scribbling down our ideas, and chronicling our progress.
I have no idea where everything will end-up when the dust settles (or if we will even come close to what it is we are shooting for) but we are hoping that it will be a fun adventure - an adventure in progress.
We would love to hear what you think, and welcome your insight on this topic. Do you have any models or examples of people who inspire you in this regard? Please share!
Comments
Worthwhile ponderings
It sounds like such a healthy process that your family is going through. I bet that along the line, if you haven't already, you will come up with a family mission statement as you answer these questions, and others, for yourselves.
And incidentally, I think fear is a major obstacle. Fear of change. Fear of being too different from the norm and therefore isolated from community. Although these days, with the Internet, you can find alternative communities just about anywhere. Still ...
family mission statement
The mission statement is definitely on the way, I've been writing it now for months, little bits here and there. More of a manifesto though - I honestly don't know the difference between these two but manifesto seems to fit better what I'm writing. I always think of mission statements as sound bytes of larger idea. I'm working on the larger idea and then maybe we will be able to distill it down to a 3 sentence blurb.
Decisions with Children
One of our major struggles is allowing our son to be "normal" if he wants to be. We are still grappling with the fact that he isn't normal, and probably won't ever be. You probably feel this way with your children, too. They weren't raised in a normal house with normal parents who do normal things. As much as we believe in what we are doing it is hard for a parent to know the pain that can cause. Both his father and I were outcasts in small rural towns. Our moving and continuation of lifestyle will only exemplify the lack of normal. Is it right for us to do that to our son? How are you guys approaching that with your kids?
More and more people seem to be talking about doing these sorts of things, some are even actively doing it :) I am very glad that you have begun a space to talk about it. The idea of complete removal from mainstream (even though many of us are just hanging on by a thread) seems so daunting. Having children makes it even more scary. So thank you for providing a space to be vulnerable and converse since none of us really know what we are doing :)
I let my (almost) 11 year old
I let my (almost) 11 year old daughter read this comment and asked her what she thought. Her first question to me was "what does she mean by normal?". She said that she doesn't know any different, she likes who we are, and doesn't want to be any different.
My philosophy has been that if we live a life that is fun, exciting, and adventurous for our children, that they won't want to be anywhere else. If being different means missing out on fun, then I can see where it might be difficult. So that has been our approach: to create a family environment that, while it may be different, it is one that our kids want to be a part of.
I read a great series of articles on a subject similar to this a while ago. It went something like this: If you imagine your family as a ship, make sure your ship is moving, has a clearly defined purpose (i.e. destination), that all ship hands have an important role to play, and that it is fun. You want all crew members to be proud to be on this ship. If your ship is stagnant in the water, no direction, and no fun, then every time the crew sees a different ship pass by, they will want to jump out and try to join that one instead.
That has been our approach anyways, so far it seems to be working out alright.
I am glad you think this as a safe space for talking about these things, we created it as much for ourselves as anyone else.
Normal
Normal for me growing up was doing pretty much whatever I wanted. This was anything but healthy. It lead me into situations and places, I shudder today to think about today. You are providing for your children something I wished I had growing up; focus, purpose and direction in a framework of love and concern. A family without purpose is like a ship without a rudder.
Stay the course my friend and may wind be in your sails.
Bob
I actually think my parents
I actually think my parents were wonderful role models of intentional and integrated living. They didn't live off the grid or anything - but they lived what they believed in. They raised 12 children (four adopted) in a modest home which they paid off very quickly (after seven years, I believe). My mom stayed home to raise us and faced much pressure from other women re: her choice. They homeschooled the second half of the family and were forerunners in that arena. They fed the poor (often the local families); loved & befriended 'the unloveable'of our town; often had extra kids or young adults sleeping on the basement couch b/c they had no where else to go, etc. They stayed out of debt but always provided for us. We most certainly knew we were loved. They both came from dysfunctional families but worked hard to springboard from what was modeled to them to become even better parents and role models for their own children. They were never crowd followers and I'm sure were looked down upon by some members of the town for their choices. But at my mom's funeral there were hundreds of people in attendance and I witnessed the incredible impact she'd had on people's lives. I want to live that kind of life.
Your parents sound like very
Your parents sound like very inspiring people. It is great to have role models like that in your life to set an example for you.
We have some friends whom when they reached retirement age, sold all of their belongings and moved to Costa Rica to work with the poor and drug addicts. I don't know that I will do that when I am that age, but it definitely gives me a great example for living a life with purpose.
I'm so intrigued and inspired
I'm so intrigued and inspired by what you guys are doing. Thanks for inviting me along. I love what you say about thinking of a family as a ship. I'm going to share that with my husband. In many ways my own parents inspired me to approach life differently. They're freelance writers and they both worked at home. We lived in the mountains and spent lots of time in the wilderness. And we always had a very close family life, with family meals and game nights, etc. I have to tell you, when I was about thirteen, I longed for more conventional, or "normal" parents. But especially now that I'm a parent, I feel incredibly grateful for the way I was raised.
I'm looking forward to hearing more....
Re-read
As I've gone back and re-read your posts, I have been inspired to consider a more integrated life. I feel, as a school teacher I have one life, a family man, another, and the God-given love for the outdoors as another area of my life. I believe these all 'should' be integrated, but am struggling how to do this. Thanks for the inspiring blog.
It's a Journey
Realizing that I wanted to integrate the various facets of my life was a huge revalation for me. I had no idea how to do it (I still don't have all of the answers). As it began to sink in, I gradually began to change the way I made everyday decisions. It has been a very slow process, and I believe it will be quite different for everyone. I think the more that you dwell on this idea and make decisions towards integrating the little things, the clearer the big picture will become.
We all have unique circumstances, skills, and life experiences that shape who we are, and therefore the way we integrate our lives will be quite different for each individual. Start small and see where it goes!